“I Did Inhale”: Mennonite Politician Confesses to Consuming Borscht

OTTAWA, ON

In a recent television interview, Canadian MP Lina Klippenstein confessed to consuming large quantities of komst borscht during her “wild college days.”

“I’m not going to lie to you,” said Klippenstein. “It was so aromatic that the smell filled the whole apartment. So, yes, I tried it and, yes, I inhaled.”

Klippenstein describes the time, in her early 20s, when she would sit with her face hovering over a bowl of oma’s hot soup and allow the aromas to waft all over her.

“Grandma Klippenstein kept sending me ‘care packages’ in those days,” she explained. “The box would always include a package of Juicy Fruit, a dozen cookies, a New Testament and a couple gallons of frozen borscht. I’m not sure how they got it past campus security. Those guys live on this stuff.”

It’s not yet known how the confession will affect her re-election campaign, but so far voters are appreciating her honesty.

“We all were young once,” said a local voter Mrs. Dyck. “I’d rather that they were out in the open about it. I just don’t trust those politicians who claim they’ve never succumbed to the lure of a hot bowl of cabbage borscht.”

The news comes just days after a video has surfaced showing her political rival Mr. Unrau knacking a huge mound of zoat behind the bleachers at a charity softball event this past summer.

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