Grandma Loewen’s Vibrato Triggers Massive Earthquake

ABBOTSFORD, BC

A massive 7.2 earthquake struck the Fraser Valley this past Sunday. Local seismologists have traced the source of the quake to Mrs. Martha Loewen’s uncontrollable vibrato singing at the local Mennonite church.

“We believe the quake was triggered mid-way through her rendition of ‘My Hope is Built in Nothing Less,'” said spokesperson Andrea Wilson. “It will take us many months and millions of dollars to repair the damage caused by Mrs. Loewen’s singing.”

In her younger years, Mrs. Loewen’s vibrato offered a pleasant accompaniment to the church organ, but as she has aged the warble has gotten completely out of control.

“We don’t believe the attack was premeditated,” said Wilson. “It might very well be that Mrs. Loewen has absolutely no idea what she sounds like.”

In order to prevent another earthquake, Mrs. Loewen has been banned from singing in the local Mennonite church and her actions will be heavily monitored by authorities to make sure she doesn’t trigger an earthquake while singing ‘Oh God, Our Help in Ages Past’ or ‘Unfetter These Wings’ in the shower.

(photo credit:suthernsir/CC/modified)