Dozens of Seniors Hospitalized After Visit From Penner Children

WARMAN, SK

Almost forty elderly Mennonites were taken to Warman Regional Hospital this weekend after a recent visit to the Old Folks Home by the youngest members of the Penner family, none of whom had bothered to use the hand sanitizer conveniently located at the entrance.

“Following an afternoon of knipsbrat, schnetke-baking and Bible-reading in close quarters, it seems the entire third floor was infected with whatever the Penner children were carrying,” said nurse Susie Martens. “It’s nice that the Penners want to visit grandma and all her friends, but I really wish they wouldn’t suck on the Scrabble tiles and cough on the hymnals quite so much.”

While the Penner family is taking full responsibility for the outbreak, some are saying the seniors, themselves, are to blame.

“You can’t go around pinching the cheeks and ruffling the hair of just any snotty-nosed child you see,” said Martens. “At least get your flu shot before coming into physical contact with Penner children.”

This time there were no fatalities, but health authorities are warning seniors to take precautions.

“I know they’re cute,” said Dr. Friesen, “but just remember, a Mennonite child with a cold can be lethal to a man in his early 90s.”