ROLLAND HILLS, MI
Crackpot television prophet Dr. Jack von Empel has recently predicted that the lowly Winnipeg Blue Bombers, who play their home opener today, will win the Grey Cup in 2016.
“I really like what Coach O’Shea is doing with the team,” commented von Empel from his Michigan mansion. “I’ve read the Book of Revelation thoroughly and I’m pretty sure it says that Barack Obama is the Antichrist and also that the 2016 Blue Bombers will finally win their first Grey Cup since 1990.”
The Blue Bombers have left fans disappointed for decades and, in a 9 team league, have not won the CFL’s championship trophy for longer than most fans can recall. Still, with recent signings, mostly raided from rival Saskatchewan Roughriders, fans and wacko televangelists alike are optimistic about their chances this year.
“Kicking was a problem in recent years, but now they’ve got the best kicker in the league,” continued von Empel, “and I really like the improvements they’ve made on the D-Line. This is the first time I’ve received direct revelation about Canadian sports, so the image is a little foggy, but I’m pretty sure the Bombers have got this one.”
Von Empel was also impressed with the signing of all-star running-back and former Steinbacher Andrew Harris.
“Apart from all the curlers, he’s arguably the greatest athlete ever to come out of southern Manitoba,” said von Empel. “I’d take that as a sign from above that the Bombers will go all the way this year.”
Blue Bomber season tickets sales have skyrocketed since von Empel’s pronouncement.
(Photo Credit: by NESR 1978/CC)