Credit Union Accidentally Gives Loan to Englishers

NEUBERGFELD, MB

Despite extensive checks and balances to prevent such a practice, CBC reports that a non-Mennonite couple was accidentally approved for a mortgage at Neubergfeld Credit Union this past week.

“We’re looking into the matter,” said the Neubergfeld CU president. “Here at Neubergfeld Credit Union we take this sort of error very seriously and will do our utmost to make sure an Englisher is not allowed to slip through again.”

Investigators are attributing the violation to human error, though it’s still unclear how the Neubergfeld mortgage officer was unaware ‘Wilson’ was not a Mennonite surname, especially since every Neubergfeld employee has an extensive list of approved surnames.

“Our rule of thumb is: ‘No Bible at home and you don’t get a loan,'” said the president. “When approving a mortgage of this size we always ask ‘Who was your father?’ and ‘What church do you go to?’ We often ask them to recite a hymn for us to make sure they’re not faking it. I’m not sure why these procedures were not followed in this case, but, I assure you, we’ll get to the bottom of this.”

Mennonite financial experts have also weighed in on the matter. In an interview with Business News Network this week, one Anabaptist money-man warned of the consequences of this type of error.

“I don’t want to overstate the case. We can all hope and pray this was an isolated incident,” said the expert. “But at the same time it’s important to point out that this is exactly the sort of reckless behaviour that led to the subprime lending crisis of 2008.”

The Wilson family say they’re happy their mortgage was approved and are excited to move into their brand new housebarn this fall.