Conservative Mennonite Church Approves Drinking Bud Light ‘Since it’s Not Really Beer Anyway’


A strict Mennonite church in the small town of Jansen, Nebraska has broken decades of teetotaller tradition by approving the consumption of Bud Light. At a membership meeting on Saturday, the church board ruled that Bud Light did not qualify as actual beer.

“It ain’t no sin to drink water,” said Pastor David. “From now on all our church faspas will include cheese, pickles, and a round or two of Bud Light!”

The ruling came after months of extensive research from the elder board, who preferred their Bud Light with a squeeze of lemon and a few ice cubes.

“We got together every Monday night for the past few months to pray, study scripture, and drink Bud Light,” explained Pastor David. “Not only did I acquire a taste for light watery beer, but I’m also now a huge Chiefs fan!”

In all those Monday night Bible studies, the men of the elder board never once got drunk.

“Bud Light is officially approved,” said Pastor David. “As I can assure you, from frequent experience, that the contents of this bottle contain absolutely no alcohol or any flavour whatsoever!”

The church has also voted to approve cigarette smoking so long as the smokers stay out of the Ladies Quilting Room.

(photo credit: Marcus Balcher/CC)

New Trump Book Nothing But Reprints of Daily Bonnet Articles
Mennonites Really Excited for Tonight's Golden Globe Awards