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Facebook Hires Nosy Mennonite Women to Collect Data on Users

April 15, 2018 Andrew J. Bergman

MENLO PARK, CA Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced Friday that he would be hiring Mrs. Edna Martens, 71, of Reinland, Manitoba and her nine spinster sisters to obtain as much information as they could on […]

The Outside World

Here’s Your Winnipeg Weather Forecast for the Next Few Months

April 11, 2018 Andrew J. Bergman

WINNIPEG, MB It looks like an extended winter this year in Winnipeg. Daily Bonnet meteorologists have examined the evidence and are officially predicting whiteout conditions well into June. “No early spring this year,” said Daily […]

The Outside World

B.C. Premier Shuts Down Progress on Kinder Surprise Pipeline

April 11, 2018 Andrew J. Bergman

VICTORIA, BC Concerned that increased access to thin chocolate eggs and cheap plastic toys may adversely affect the health and welfare of British Columbians, Premier John Horgan announced Tuesday that he would do everything in […]

The Outside World

Long-Suffering Vegas Knights Fan Finally Sees His Team Make the Playoffs

April 10, 2018 Andrew J. Bergman

LAS VEGAS, NV Long time Vegas Golden Knights fan Peter Sawatzky, 43, has suffered through many seasons without a winning team. Sawatzky, originally from Kleefeld, Manitoba, lives in Sin City during the winter and has […]

The Outside World

Rare Patch of Smooth Road Discovered in Winnipeg

March 28, 2018 Andrew J. Bergman

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Thiessen of North Kildonan was utterly shocked to discover a short patch of completely smooth road in Winnipeg during a visit to the Linden Woods neighbourhood this weekend. “What the hell is […]

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