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Food and Drink

Food and Drink

Mennonites React to Gin Recall

May 3, 2017 Andrew J. Bergman

After a nationwide recall that pulled thousands of bottles of gin off Canadian shelves for being too boozy, Mennonite closet-drinkers were left without their beloved Bombay Sapphire. Here are a few of their reactions. “As […]

Food and Drink

Winkler Man Caught at Morden Bar

May 1, 2017 Andrew J. Bergman

MORDEN, MB In a recent sting operation, the Winkler Vice Squad have arrested yet another Winklerite drinking at the Morden Bar. The unnamed individual has been arraigned under charges of Treason, Heresy, and Drinking in Moderation. “This is […]

Food and Drink

Mennonite Family Feeds Hungry Puppies at Local Buffet

April 29, 2017 Andrew J. Bergman

LEAMINGTON, ON A Sunday smorgasbord at a local diner turned into a feeding frenzy, with area Mennonite families sneaking their beloved pets into the buffet line. By just 12:30 the roast beef was completely gone because […]

Food and Drink

Raw Onions 30% More Effective than Castor Oil to Prevent Swearing

April 24, 2017 Andrew J. Bergman

TABER, AB A new study out of the University of Southern Alberta has shown that forcing rebellious Mennonites to eat large quantities of raw onions is significantly more effective at preventing swearing than making them drink castor […]

Food and Drink

Police Raid Home Suspected of Hosting Wild All-Night Tupperware Party

April 21, 2017 Andrew J. Bergman

GOSHEN, IN More than a dozen Mennonite ladies were taken into custody last night after police were called to break up the wildest Tupperware party Goshen has ever seen. “We were alerted to the problem […]

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