Boxing Day Deemed ‘Far Too Violent’ by Mennonite Church

ROSENORT, MB

An area Mennonite pastor is urging his parishioners not to participate in Boxing Day activities this winter over concerns that the traditional holiday promotes violence.

“I just don’t like the sound of it,” said Reverend Peter von Rosenort. “I’m pretty sure Jesus wants us to love our neighbours…not to try to knock each other’s lights out.”

The Reverend was apparently under the impression that non-Mennonites spend Boxing Day beating each other up.

“I wandered through a mall once on Boxing Day,” said von Rosenort. “I know exactly what it’s like. Elbows. Fists. People pushing and shoving to get their hands on that $300 television. It’s repugnant. If I can spare my congregation from witnessing this violence, I will.”

Some members of his congregation remain skeptical, though, believing that Von Rosenort is defaming Boxing Day in an effort to increase his chances at getting a really good deal.

“I’m not going to let all this talk about ‘pacifism’ destroy my chance at getting Winter Candy Apple Shower Gel at a reasonable price. You should see all the Mennonites at St. Vital Shopping Centre this time of year,” said parishioner Agnes Vogt. “Half of Rosenort is there for sure.”

In contrast, Associate Pastor Kyle Penner of Steinbach offered a more tempered approach to the controversial holiday.

“Boxing Day is an iffy one for us Mennonites,” said Penner. “I hate to disagree with my colleague out there in Rosenort, but I figure as long as the boxing is consensual and you stop before someone gets hurt it should be okay.”

Penner also suggested that boxers should offer to turn the other cheek before proceeding to respond with a left hook or uppercut to the jaw.

(Photo credit: by ♔ Georgie R )