Anti-Vaxxer to Marry Flat-Earther

REGINA, SK

When committed anti-vaxxer Bertha Epp met flat-earther Harry Froese on an online message board last fall, it only took Bertha two hours of chatting to know Harry was the man for her.

“We both firmly reject science, logic, and evidence-based argumentation of any kind,” said Epp. “It was only natural that we’d fall in love.”

Harry immediately sent her a link to a video he made in his mother’s basement. The video provided compelling evidence that the earth was flat and that it was all just a government conspiracy to convince us it was round.

“His video was just so convincing yet,” said anti-vaxxer Bertha, who is currently undergoing treatment for the mumps. “I just can’t wait to see how our children will turn out.”

The anti-vaxxer/flat-earther wedding will be the first of its kind in Regina and also the first time Harry has left his mom’s basement in over 15 years.

“See, I told you it was flat,” said Harry as he surveyed the land standing in his boxer shorts in his mother Martha’s front yard. “Anyone can easily see that for yourself!”

Harry, who had not kept his vaccinations up-to-date, either, immediately contracted rubella and had to postpone the wedding.

“I’m hoping we’ll both be well enough that we can get married sometime this summer,” said Harry. “In the meantime I’m going back inside and making more videos.”